On Marriage, Love, and Family

 My sister and I identify ourselves as purists. We absolutely believe that a marriage is a sacred act (whether religious or spiritual) and that two parties must be dedicated through thick or thin, and we take our vows absolutely seriously. The only conditions that can cause us to break the sacred vow is if there was cheating, fraud, or abusive violence. As we have grown up over the years, we also realized that not everyone sees this ceremony as sacred as we do, as many prefer to make and break it as they please instead.

My sisters and I were brought up as Baptist Christians, but of the slightly more conservative kind of values. We were taught that all peoples are born sinful, and that we must spend our life to ensure we don not succumb to sin, that we should lead a life that aims at being virtuous rather than merely being in the pursuit of wealth for the sake of doing so, that there is a higher purpose than merely pursuing worldly things; yes having a job and income and a home is important, obviously... but that we should realize that this is merely a means in the grand scheme of things and not an ends. Although I am not as devoted to church as before, I still retain my Christian values to date. I would rather live humbly with a loving and peaceful family than live luxuriously with a family that is full of politics, discrimination, and drama. In a world wherein materialism is seen as a ends and not as a means, in a world wherein consumerism drives culture and social values, I find it hard to live spiritually happy.

When I began school back in the old days, I always admired Aristotle's book on living the virtuous life. I believed that if everyone read the same book as I did, they too would see materialistic pursuits as a means, and being moral, ethical, and virtuous should be the ultimate ends. Over the past many years, I also came to realize that I could pursue the virtuous life partly because my family was already decently well off... I came to this realization when I was mandatorily conscripted into the military service in Singapore, and realized that many could not make a good living due to the vicious cycle of a poverty trap they were stuck in for generations to date. Yet, despite my clear privilege which I am so grateful for, I have used this as motivation to further my fight to live every day virtuously. As I grew older and older, I found this harder for many others to live by...

Those dearest to me (whom I shall not identify here directly for sakes of anonymity) have had experienced certain childhood trauma of her family being bankrupt of multiple occasions - to which I am grateful that my family has never gone through such emotional and financial hurdles. Unfortunately. to this end, herein is an issue of childhood trauma, and such an underlying and subconscious issue will inevitably live in deep in the mind into the latter adult life. Marriage is never easy for anyone - something which in the past 2 years I might have taken for granted. I recognize that any success or stability is never a linear line across space and time, and that some valleys may be deeper than previous ones (such as the case of 2020's Covid global pandemic). Traumas do inevitably play a central role on how relationships are managed or perceived, and I have been empathetic to this end, always seeking to see the positives and empathizing with the negatives.

How does one remain positive and productive while being in a state of financial insecurity, emotional stress of marriage, and overall depression? Because of covid, I have been trying to find a stable job since July 2020 (YES I have taken on several short term paid contracts in the meantime)... I have been extremely fortunate to have a family-owned home (I typically am the singular constant who has have always lived in this same house for all time) to which I have lived in for 17 years as a safety net. Yet, my financial struggles during the 2020 pandemic has translated into struggles of marriage.. The biggest lesson I have learned is to develop multiple skill sets ESPECIALLY during stable times so that, in times of financial instability, I have interim skills to fall on.Going forward, during good financial times, I would have to allocate a small budget and time towards earning those extra certificates, so as to ensure overall financial stability for me and my dearest family.

The struggle to keep my family together is real, and I only hope that my hard learned lessons are the few key things that keep my marriage and family together going forward.